Words That Reshape Our Inner World
Neologisms Every Psychology Enthusiast Should Know. "Sonder"
Neologisms are a fascinating intersection between language and the human mind. They are newly coined terms that capture concepts previously unexpressed or underexplored. In many cases, they open new windows into the complexities of human experience, offering a shared vocabulary to describe thoughts, feelings, or situations that often go unnoticed. For psychology enthusiasts, these words are essential tools—they give form to the abstract and highlight the depths of human cognition, emotion, and behavior in ways everyday language often can't fully convey.
“Sonder” is one of my favorite neologisms; a term found in John Koenig’s The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, it beautifully defines the realization that each random passerby you encounter is living a life as intricate and full as your own. Psychologically, this word is a gem. It invites us to contemplate one of the most universal yet underappreciated experiences of being human: recognizing the complexity of others' internal worlds.
sonder
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
Why "Sonder" Matters Psychologically
At its heart, "sonder" taps into the concept of theory of mind, which is our ability to attribute thoughts, feelings, and intentions to others. Developing this ability is a major milestone in cognitive and emotional development, allowing us to empathize and connect with those around us. When we experience "sonder," we momentarily transcend our egocentric worldview and acknowledge that others' lives are just as full of narrative arcs, emotions, and hidden depths as our own.
From a psychological perspective, this realization can (for most of us) stir profound empathy. It disrupts our natural tendency to see ourselves as the protagonists of life's story and others as mere background characters. Instead, it highlights our interconnectedness and the complexity of human existence. Reflecting on this notion encourages a deeper emotional intelligence, as it forces us to move beyond superficial judgments and recognize the internal struggles, hopes, and dreams of people we might otherwise overlook.
Why "Sonder" Matters to Me
Before I discovered the word "sonder," I often found myself deeply curious about the lives of people I would never meet. This was particularly the case when looking at old photographs or watching videos of everyday folk from decades, even centuries, past. These images would draw me in, not because of their historical significance, but because they contained people—people who, in their time, lived full and complex lives, yet whose stories would remain untold. The mystery of who they were, what dreams they pursued, and what struggles they faced intrigued me. These were individuals who laughed, cried, loved, and suffered, just as we all do, but all that remained of their existence was a snapshot frozen in time. What tales could they have told if only we could listen?
This sense of intrigue was perfectly captured for me in the Carpe Diem scene from Dead Poets Society. When Mr. Keating urges his students to "seize the day," he isn’t simply delivering a motivational platitude; he is inviting them to connect with the silent lives of those who came before. He asks the students to look closely at the faces in old photographs, to recognize that these were once hopeful, vibrant people, not so different from themselves—people who once felt invincible, filled with potential, but whose lives ultimately slipped away. It was a stark reminder for us all, that just like those boys in the photos, we too will one day be "fertilizing daffodils." What will remain of our lives when we’re gone? Will our stories vanish, or will we leave behind a legacy, however small?
For me, the word "sonder" crystallized this feeling. It also extended beyond the world of the dead to encompass the living—the countless people I’ve passed in the street, exchanged a few words with, or shared a fleeting moment of eye contact. Each one of them carries a life as vivid and intricate as my own, yet we remain strangers, intersecting only briefly before parting ways forever. They too have their own struggles, ambitions, joys, and sorrows. And though I may never know their full stories, just the awareness of their existence enriches my understanding of the human experience.
This curiosity—this wonder—makes "sonder" such a profound and beautiful concept. It serves as a reminder that life, in all its complexity, is happening all around us, often unnoticed. Every person we encounter, whether in an old photograph or passing on the street, has a story worth imagining, even if we never hear it.
On a somewhat irreverent note “Sonder” also probably explains my love of the film Shaun Of The Dead, especially the "It's not the end of the world” Winchester pub scene.
Please note: this clip contains adult language and humor.
Reflecting on "Sonder" in Your Life
Mindfulness in Social Interactions: Next time you’re in a crowd, instead of seeing people as a blur, take a moment to consider the richness of their lives. This practice fosters empathy and reminds you that others carry invisible burdens, joys, and stories.
Combatting Egocentrism: The human brain has a tendency to center itself in narratives. Recognizing sonder is an antidote to this, helping you move beyond self-focused thinking and toward a broader, more compassionate view of the world.
Narrative Therapy and Perspective-Taking: Psychologically, understanding that each person has their own "epic" can be a helpful tool in therapy and personal reflection. It encourages clients (or anyone) to break out of their emotional isolation, seeing their problems as part of the human condition, and recognizing that others might face similar or even greater challenges.
"Sonder" is just one example of how neologisms can expand our psychological toolkit. By naming these elusive emotional or mental phenomena, we’re able to engage with them more consciously and, in doing so, deepen our understanding of the human experience.
I hope you found this an interesting read, as I would love to explore more neologisms that psychology lovers—and indeed, all of us—should add to our vocabulary. These words do more than fill linguistic gaps; they offer new ways to understand, relate to, and navigate the intricate landscape of human emotion and experience.
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This is such a well written article on a such an important topic. It is also the realization that we are not alone and that we do not know the struggles or joys in other peoples lives. It is also key to recognize when thinking about what motivates others (now as well as in the past). We make an effort to treater historical actors in the rich tapestry of the world where they existed.
What about those who are neuro-different or Autistic? The key defining feature is their inability to appreciate any Theory of Mind. In my experience, they really do not 'get' empathy at all. According to your view, does this make them less human???